The following piece is satire.
As the government shutdown continues, Democratic lawmakers are discovering new and creative ways to convince the American public that illegal immigration isn’t all that bad. After President Trump addressed the nation from the Oval Office about the importance of building a barrier along the southern border, the country was treated to another episode of the political sitcom, “Chuck N’ Nancy Can’t Win.”
The two Democratic leaders stood stoically as they attempted to rebut the president’s speech in a manner the resembled that painfully boring science teacher you had in the 11th grade. They gave a stern lecture on the utter wrongness of wanting to protect the country from potentially dangerous individuals who break our immigration laws. “If you’re one of these people who want to prevent people from entering the country illegally, you are a very naughty person, and I am deeply disappointed in you,” Speaker Pelosi deadpanned.
But what have the other Democratic lawmakers been up to during the shutdown?
Democrats Favor “Smart” Border Security
As most know, the Democrats have not always been opposed to improving security at the southern border. Presidents Bill Clinton and Barack Obama both described illegal immigration as a serious issue. Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) even supported the construction of a physical barrier.
Recently, a guy named Tom, who chairs the Democratic National Committee was questioned by reporters about the sudden change of heart. He answered: “Again, Democrats have always believed in strong border security, but we want smart border security.”
But what exactly is “smart border security?” He explained: “Well, in our case, smart border security means implementing a minimal level of security at the border. I mean, if you’re a Democrat, wouldn’t it be smart for us to encourage people who would definitely vote for us to enter the country by any means possible?”
When pressed on the legality of allowing illegal immigrants to vote, he said “Of course it’s not legal. These people aren’t supposed to vote, but there are ways around that. Why do you think we’re against voter ID laws? What, you thought that whole thing was about black people being able to vote? Don’t be silly.”
Should Lawmakers Be Paid?
During the shutdown, some Democratic lawmakers have decided to forfeit their pay until the government is back in the business of doing absolutely nothing for the American people. However, unlike some GOP lawmakers who introduced legislation to make sure government workers are paid, most of Democrats have decided that it is more important to keep receiving their salaries while furloughed workers would not have been paid.
Rep. “Open Borders” Gerry (D-VA) claimed that talks of foregoing pay was just “a distraction from the real issue.” When asked what the “real issue” is, he began yelling “Orange man bad!” over and over again until collapsing in the street.
Border Walls Are Racist!
Of course, no Democratic argument would be complete without accusing everyone of being racist. Indeed, many on the far left have claimed that those who wish to build a physical barrier on the southern border are motivated by an extreme hatred of brown people even though American brown people are disproportionately impacted by the illegal immigration problem.
Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who recently posted a tweet comparing Americans who favor the wall to the Ku Klux Klan, was asked to explain her reasoning behind her opposition to the border wall. She said:
“Border walls are racist and are designed to oppress South Americans who are just seeking asylum. No other country uses walls. Only Turkey, Saudi Arabia, Spain, Israel, Hungary, Uzbekistan, Egypt, and at least 70 others. That’s it! And we all know how much these countries hate Mexicans.”
It appears that the battle over the border wall is still in full swing and has not shown any signs of slowing down. As both sides refuse to budge, the government remains in a partial shutdown. Who will blink first? Only time will tell.